So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
