It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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