my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
