Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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