shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Drunk is a universal language darling
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
