Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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