ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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