I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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