New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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