why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
