I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were destined to go to rehab together
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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