nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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