I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
