rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
