I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
