ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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