Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
