Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I party with great urgency now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
