This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
