Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
