oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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