12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
