you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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