So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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