Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
