Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
