I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
