I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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