the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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