2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
even my farts smell like vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
