Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
