those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You are the jesus of drinking
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
