this beer tastes like vomit already
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
