im drinking this country out of the recession.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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