this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
