He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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