It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
