Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
