Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
