Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
