I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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