Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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