hell yes lets make some ravioli
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
