Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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