Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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