I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
