My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
