so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
