I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
