I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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