I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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