She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
