I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
